I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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