Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
