Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
