I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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