screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
