went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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