when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
