i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
