Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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