I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
