Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
