GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
