She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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