she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
third nipple confirmed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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