You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
