im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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