Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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