i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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