He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
