I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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