For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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