she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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