I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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