is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
