like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
