So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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