and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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