dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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