i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The adults are the big ones right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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