I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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