it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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