my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
