Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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