you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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