Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
