I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
