the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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