and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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