I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
