break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
