all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
