How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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