he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
