so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
