we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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