Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
