Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
