I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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