Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
