I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
