i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
