im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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