What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
