so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
