I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
