pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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