I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
