How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
