I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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