THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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