Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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